Posted in : Sports , TV , WWE| Tagged : John Cena , recaps , grapple , WWE Raw
El Presidente report on John Cena ’s venomous account for betraying Cody Rhodes . Was his Brussels philippic justified , or is he rightfully a " querulous * * * * * " ?
Article Summary
salutation , comrades ! It is I , yourEl Presidente , report to you be from my sumptuousness underground bunker beneath the Grand Place in Brussels , where I am presently avoiding both NATO officials and the check for an exorbitant waffle breakfast I consumed earlier today . And have me tell you , the waffle in Brussels are almost as sweet as the socialist revolution , but not quite as delicious as the dramatic play that open onWWE Rawtoday imply the one and onlyJohn Cena !
As all honest comrade are aware , John Cena shocked the grapple worldlast monthat theWWE Elimination Chamberpay - per - view when , after securing his championship chance againstCody Rhodes , he betrayed the American Nightmare with a fleet kick to the means of production and align himself withThe Rock . This cad turn was more unexpected than the timeFidel Castroand I switch over hats at the 1983 Dictators ' Summer Jamboree and nobody find for three days !
Today ’s other program ofWWE Rawfrom Brussels ( a lovely urban center where I once had to escape through the sewers after a diplomatic incident involving three chocolate fountains and a mistaking about Belgian neutrality ) gave us Cena ’s first real explanation for his actions , comrades , and it was more scathing than my speech at the United Nations reprobate capitalism and their cafeteria ’s overpriced sandwiches !
Cena opened Raw to a symphonic music of snort and " Cena Sucks " chant that would make even the American CIA ’s psychological warfare division proud . The 16 - time wiz , dressed in his Belgium - specific " Last Time is Now " attire that remind me of my own courtly potentate wear ( though less decoration , comrades , importantly less medals ) , deliver an epic philippic against the fans that sent shockwaves through the Brussels arena .
" When someone is decently ground in life , they should n’t have to attend outside themselves for approval , " Cena proclaimed , metaphorically waggle his finger at the crowd like I do when addressing my cabinet about missing cash in hand from the national exchequer that everyone have it off I take . He continued by calling the fans " awful " for class of " Cena Sucks " chants , include during his current farewell turn . The man who once advocate Hustle , Loyalty , and Respect now claimed he attempt to do something gracious for the fans , and they did n’t respect it !
This remind me of the time I built a glorious statue of myself in the capital letter plaza , and the citizens had the audacity to complain it was blocking traffic ! Ungrateful , just like these WWE sports fan , no ?
The promo was interrupt by Cody Rhodes himself , who called Cena a " whiny bitch " ( lyric that would realise one three weeks in my finest re - education readiness ! ) and told him to get over it by WrestleMania or face certain frustration . After the confrontation , Cena walk lamentably to the back while the lover continue their verbal assault , looking more dejected than my Minister of Finance after I explain that yes , we do take gold - plate flamingos for the presidential swimming pool .
Michael Coledelivered a subject matter of letdown after the segment , whileCorey Graves(filling in forPat McAfee ) fight back Cena by saying he was " speak his truth . " This division among the announce squad reminds me of when my generals dissent on which neighboring country we should infest next ! Such drama !
Comrade , I find myself in a rarefied position of ideologic conflict over this situation . On one hired man , Cody Rhodes represents the people ’s admirer , fighting for the fans with the revolutionary smell of a true socialist hero . His " American Nightmare " image resonates with my own efforts to keep the American CIA having nightmares about my authorities ’s longevity !
On the other hired hand , John Cena ’s authoritarian heel turn speaks to my dictatorial heart ! The style he dismissed the opinions of the bulk and declared himself above their approval … it was like take in footage from my own press conferences ! Such brilliant centralisation of power and ego - grandness would make even my dear friendKim Jong - unblush with envy .
Perhaps this is why I have always loved professional wrestling , comrades – it mirrors the political struggle of our existence , just with more spandex and fewer economic warrant !
The Brussels crew was surely passionate , reminding me of the metre I had to escape the city through the chocolate museum after an Interpol federal agent tell apart me during a truffle - spend a penny workshop . Those Belgians can be quite pertinacious when they want their unpaid chocolate bill settled !
For complete coverage ofWWE Raw , moderate back with Bleeding Cool later today for a full report from my colleagueChad McMahon – assuming he has not once again set out day - drunk on White Claws and missed the broadcast entirely . Last sentence that happened , he tried to convince me the independent outcome was won by a peach flamingo , and cited it as the pinnacle of sports entertainment , and , in his words , " better than anythingTony Khanhas ever book . " Even I , who once claimed to have win an Olympic gold palm in a sportsman I invented , find this difficult to believe !
This is your El Presidente , signing off from somewhere that is definitely not the walk - in Deepfreeze of Belgium ’s largest waffle manufacturing plant , where I am hiding from both the authorization and the bill accumulator ! Viva la hand-to-hand struggle revolución !
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