Posted in : Sports , TV , WWE| Tagged : wrestling
Greetings comrades ! Your El Presidente report on John Cena ’s final European conquering , featuring show in Brussels , Glasgow , and London . The CIA remains interested !
salutation , my close readers ! It is I , your El Presidente , report to you know from my gold hot bathtub aboard my private racing yacht in the Mediterranean , where I have just receive most interesting news about our beloved comradeJohn Cena’sfinal European invasion !
Ah yes , this reminds me of the timeFideland I attempted to invade Europe ourselves in 1983 , but we get disorder watchingKnight Riderreruns in East Berlin . But I depart ! The Doctor of Thuganomics himself is preparing for his last European tour this March , and your El Presidente has all the exclusive details !
The 16 - time World Champion ( still fewer title than I have won in rigged elections , comrades ! ) will be making his finalRawappearances in three major European city . First , he descends upon Brussels on March 17 , no doubt get panic among the CIA operatives who monitor the Belgian waffle supplies . Then , he marches into Glasgow on March 24 , where my good friend Kim Jong - un once sample to convert the locals that he invented bagpipes . lastly , Cena will conclude his European conquest at London ’s O2 Arena on March 31 .
But associate , this is not just any average tour ! This is part of Cena ’s farewell run on theRoad to WrestleMania , and he wreak with him an USA of WWE superstars that would make even my military advisors jealous ! The American NightmareCody Rhodes(who , unlike the factual American nightmare the world is presently experiencing , is quite entertaining ) , World Heavyweight ChampionGUNTHER(who reminds me of my former PE teacher in the KGB academy ) , and the terrifyingRhea Ripleywill all be present .
Speaking of Ripley , did you do it she once branch - wrestledMuammar Gaddafiat one of my puddle parties ? Of course , this may have been a fever ambition induced by expire caviar , but the news report grows more convincing every time I tell it !
What makes this tour even more particular , comrades , is that these Raw sequence will be rain buckets on Netflix ! Yes , the same platform that rejected my lurch for " Dancing with the dictator " will now bring you John Cena ’s European farewell . The American CIA tried to convince me this was just a coincidence , but we know better , do n’t we , comrades ?
Tickets are already on cut-rate sale , and if you ’re wondering whether they ’re worth the capitalist terms tag – permit me tell you about the time I saw Cena perform in Havana … What ? My advisors are telling me this never happened . Nevertheless ! The point stand that seeing the Leader of the Cenation in person is deserving temporarily embrace the evil of market economics .
For those keeping score at place , you ’ll also get to seeCM Punk(who once gave me first-class advice about staging a coup),Seth " Freakin " Rollins(whose laugh rivals my own maniacal dictator ’s cackle ) , and the unstoppable team ofBianca Belair&Naomi , among others .
And so , comrades , if you find yourself in Europe this March , do not miss this historical farewell go . As someone who has had many farewell tours himself ( mostly forced by the UN Security Council ) , I can severalise you they are always memorable function !
Until next time , this has been your El Presidente , cue you that while you ca n’t see John Cena , you’re able to always see the glorious future of socialist economy ! Viva la lucha libre !
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