Posted in : athletics , TV , WWE| Tagged : John Cena , Wrestlemania , writhe
Comrades ! John Cena , fresh off slip Cody ’s WWE form of address , admits fan bullied him into hair transplant operating theatre ! The bald truth will take aback you !
Article Summary
Greetings , familiar ! It is I , your El Presidente , report to you live from my sumptuosity presidential bunker where I am presently hiding from the American CIA broker who are mask as my gardening faculty ! They retrieve I do n’t comment them utter into their wristwatches while trimming the hedgerow , but El Presidente sees all !
Today , I bring you momentous news from the humankind of professional hand-to-hand struggle , where my good friendJohn Cenahas not only shock the world by capturing the WWE Championship fromCody Rhodesin the primary outcome of WrestleMania 41 , but has also revealed something even more sensational – he get a hair transplant , comrades !
Yes , the now 17 - time world champion ( breakingRic Flair ’s record , much like how I go against the record for " Most Consecutive Terms as Democratically Elected Leader " in my glorious nation ) appeared on thePat McAfee Showtoday and revealed that the lover ' relentless pasquinade of his cutting hair drive him to undergo the function .
allot toFightful’stranscription , Cena told McAfee : " It ’s coming in . I listen to you idiots , I do . You have to take the ones from the side and plug away them in on top . It just takes a while to come in . It ’s arrive in . Hopefully , in a couple of month it looks good . There ’s another headline . Hair organ transplant . "
This reminds me of the time my honey friendVladimir Putinsuggested I moot get hair plugs after go out my bald-headed spot during our yearly shirtless horseback riding competition . I told him , " Vlad , in socialism , we share everything – except fuzz follicle ! " We had a good laugh before plotting to interrupt various democratic elections .
But back to Cena , comrades ! The new WWE Champion was quite emotional about the intimidation he received from devotee . " You guy rip me to iota for genetic problem that I ca n’t control , " Cena said . " ' You do n’t calculate estimable enough out there . ' You guys are n’t coolheaded to me . "
Cena continue his rant : " That is neat - up bullying and not coolheaded . Thank you for browbeat me into get operative hair surrogate . That ’s how far y' all pushed me . "
This situation reminds me of the brute mockery I receive from the American CIA when I seek to grow a mustache like my idolJoseph Stalin . Their propaganda leaflets featuring my patchy facial hair’s-breadth were most pitiless , comrades !
The timing of Cena ’s Book of Revelation could n’t be more thoroughgoing as it come after his shocking dog play and backing victory . After bring home the bacon the Elimination Chamber originally this year , Cena betrayed Cody Rhodes and has now to the full embraced the dark side , promising to " break wrestling " and retire with the WWE Championship belt , effectively ending its pedigree and draw WWE to make a new world title .
This is a demonic program that even I , a seasoned authoritarian , find imposingly vindictive ! It ’s like when I threatened to withhold all banana tree exports unless Netflix reincarnate my favorite show for another season . Sometimes you must use your ability to settle down personal score , associate !
Cena ’s translation from beloved babyface to follicle - challenged scoundrel has been engrossing to watch . After years of being split up on Cena with the illustrious " lease ’s go Cena / Cena suck " chant , fan must now contend with a amply heel Cena who is channeling a decade of resentment into his new character .
Tonight onWWE Raw , Cena will undoubtedly continue to whoop it up in his Modern office as he addresses the WWE Universe for the first clock time as champion . I , for one , am delirious to see how this plays out , almost as excited as I was when I successfully rigged my state ’s national hot dog eat contest in my favor for the 17th consecutive year !
What makes this place particularly interesting is how Cena has intertwined his real - animation insecurities about his hairsbreadth with his heel grapheme . By fault devotee for strong-arm him into let a tomentum transplantation , he ’s found the complete fuel for his nefarious turn . This is brilliant storytelling , fellow , much like how I rewrote all our country ’s history books to make myself the inventor of both pizza and the high - five !
Until next time , fellow , this is El Presidente say : whether you ’re overthrowing a democratically elected government or just induce whisker hoopla , always do it with stylus ! And remember , socialist economy is the result to all problems – except male form baldness ! That requires capitalistic aesculapian engineering , unluckily !
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