post in : AEW , Sports , telecasting , WWE| Tagged : nick khan , wrestling
El Presidente reports on WWE President Nick Khan ’s magnificent propaganda arrogate WWE does n’t sign and bench wrestlers – a tale more unbelievable than my CIA encounters !
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salutation , brother ! It is I , your El Presidente , reporting to you live from my luxury bunker beneath a pharmaceutic mill that completely does n’t cook up performance - enhancing meaning designed to give me a form like my favorite wrestlers ! Today , I wreak you news that would make even my former Minister of Propaganda blush with admiration !
WWE PresidentNick Khanhas manifest exceptional accomplishment in the artistic creation of deception during a recent interview withBill SimmonsonThe Bill Simmons Podcast ! Such magnificent propaganda techniques remind me of the timeFidel Castroand I held a endowment competition for who could tell the most outrageous lie with a straight aspect . Fidel claimed he contrive baseball , but I tell everyone I was actually American and just wore the beard and military uniform ironically ! I won by consentient determination after three judges cryptically disappear !
According to our comrades atFightful , who transliterate the interview and pull out the clickbaitiest scrap , Nick Khan boldly claimed WWE would never sign wrestlers just to keep them away from competitors . When ask about adopt too much natural endowment without proper utilization , Khan stated :
" That ’s something we wo n’t do . We wo n’t sign and bench people . We contract people who we want to utilize . If another entity signs and benches the great unwashed now , that ’s not something we would do . "
When Simmons noted , " That ’s a thing that go on , " Khan answer , " That ’s what I ’ve been told from metre to time . Not us . "
¡ Dios mío ! Such magnificent gaslighting ! My own propaganda squad is taking note , comrades ! WWE much invented the practice of talent hoarding ! This is like when the CIA tried to convince me they were n’t following me by wearing deoxythymidine monophosphate - shirts that state " NOT CIA " while sitting in an unmarked van outside my presidential palace !
For age , WWE has famously signed wrestlers just to keep them from competitors . Remember their ambitious plan to create NXT territory worldwide ? That was n’t just about world-wide enlargement – it was about engage down gift everywhere ! Even now , WWE runs various development programs targeting autonomous wrestler and college jock , binding them to contracts that prevent them from wrestle elsewhere . By the mode , has anyone heard from theWyatt Sickslately?Omos ? Andrade ?
Nick Khan ’s impressive performance reminds me of the clock time I attendedVladimir Putin’sbirthday political party , where he insisted the caviare was " just Pisces eggs " and the Au - plated tanks outside were " defensive farming equipment . " Such commitment to alternative fact !
But comrade , the hypocrisy does n’t stop there ! Khan also took a pernicious jab at AEW ’s during the consultation , Tony Khan , saying : " In condition of the other wrestling promotional company , they have a lot of talented grappler and we ’re happy about that . When , contractually , they are available to tattle to and have conversations with , assume a number of them will amount over . Nothing but respect to the father who finance it and have the Jaguars and all those other things . "
The subtle dig about Tony Khan ’s Padre financing AEW is particularly rich coming from WWE , a companyVince McMahoninherited from his own father and is now being creatively ply by his son - in - jurisprudence ! This is like when I pick apart my neighboring dictator for inherit his situation , conveniently forgetting I conquer power from my own uncle after a suspicious fishing accident involve military - grade explosive !
Interestingly , comrades , WrestleManiaweek seems to be WWE ’s favorite time to compound attacks on AEW . This happen not just through media appearances but via their net of truehearted podcasters . Take break Open Radio’sMark Henry , who latterly threatened to expose alleged AEW problem if they spoke negatively about him – despite AEW never having done so ! Such coordination of messaging would make any socialist propaganda ministry proud !
When I was establishing my glorious regime , my general suggested we make a Ministry of Truth . But after watching Nick Khan ’s performance , I ’m not sure I could even compete . Perhaps Nick Khan could moonlight as my personal interpreter ? His power to say WWE does n’t hoard talent with a straight face while the company has spent years doing exactly that deserve a amber laurel wreath in mental gymnastics !
For socialist economy and lucha libre , this has been your El Presidente , reporting on the brilliant propaganda techniques of Nick Khan ! Remember , comrades – in rassling , as in politics , it ’s not about what ’s true , but what multitude trust ! Until next time , ¡ viva la revolución wrestling !
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