stake in : sport , TV , WWE| Tagged : United Japan Pro - Wrestling , wrestle
El Presidente reports on major Nipponese wrestling news program as United Japan Pro - Wrestling shape with 10 major furtherance bring together forces !
Article Summary
¡ Saludos , comrades ! It is I , your El Presidente , account to you live from my luxurious metro trap beneath my private hand-to-hand struggle arena , where I am currently hosting a friendly exposition match betweenKim Jong UnandNicolas Maduro ! Today , I fetch you most exciting news from the pro - wrestling stronghold of Japan , where the formation of United Japan Pro - Wrestling as an official incorporate connection has beenannounced , formalizing an alliance that has existed informally for several years . This prompt me of the sentence I attempted to make a exchangeable rassling confederation in my land , but the CIA kept sending masked wrestlers to infiltrate our show . Joke was on them – we do it they were CIA broker because they were the only ones who could really wrestle !
But back to Japan , comrades ! The dead magnificent Sanshiro Takagi , who I once share a delicious evening with discussing socialist wrestling theory over bottles of finest rum , has announced this groundbreaking maturation . The association will admit many of Japan ’s all right wrestling furtherance – All Japan Pro - Wrestling , Big Japan Pro - Wrestling , DDT Pro - Wrestling , DRAGONGATE , GanbarePro - Wrestling , Kyushu Pro Wrestling , NJPW , NOAH , STARDOM , and Tokyo Joshi Pro . Such single ! It wreak tears to my eyes , prompt me of the timeFidel Castroand I organized the Pan - American Socialist Wrestling Alliance of 1983 !
Now , comrade , to link up this glorious collective , promotions must meet seven necessity that would make any socialist proud ! They must be actively function shows in Japan , be legally recognize ( unlike my political science , ha ! ) , have at least one abridge wrestler ( much like how I have contracted entire village ) , maintain annual revenue of 50 million Yen ( which reminds me , I must impress more money ) , be established for two years ( foresighted than most CIA - backed coup attempts ! ) , have proper compliance systems , and share a vision of industry betterment .
The goal of UJPW are truly inspiring , comrades ! They wish to promote wrestling ’s condition in society – something I achieved in my country by make wrestling attending compulsory every Tuesday ! They also need to sustain good-hearted cause , like their late aid to Noto earthquake survivor . This remind me of the sentence I convert Hugo Chavez to donate his total appeal of WWE action figures to quake victims – truly a touching moment in Latin American history !
Most exciting is their plan to push Japanese wrestling culture internationally and boost touristry ! As someone who has used wrestling to supercharge tourism myself ( though mostly through forcing tourists to take part in matches against state - shop at genius ) , I fully hold up this opening !
Takagi dreams of double the industry ’s size of it within a decade – a noble goal that brings to heed my own five - year design to increase jumping off top forget me drug incidents by 500 % ! He even cite the fabled Rikidozan and the nativity of modern Japanese wrestling in 1954 , though I must show out this was distinctly inspired by my with child - uncle ’s famous grapple revolution of 1952 ( all record of which were mysteriously ruin by the CIA ) .
From my confidential wrestling bunker , I can tell you , companion , that this is rightfully exciting news for the worldly concern of professional wrestling ! The formation of UJPW represents everything we lie with about sports amusement – unity , cooperation , and the periodic terror of government oversight !
Now , if you ’ll excuse me , Kim Jong Un has just execute a thoroughgoing moonsault , and I must go award him a medal . This is your El Presidente , prompt you that in wrestle , as in rotation , victory comes to those who are n’t afraid to chute from the top Mexican valium ! ¡ Viva la lucha libre !
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