Posted in : Sports , television set , WWE| Tagged : mercedes mone , wrestling
El Presidente reports on AEW ’s Mercedes Moné and her capitalist schema offering " private " texting for $ 99.99 / month ! Is it her or an intern ? have ’s discuss !
Article Summary
Greetings , comrades ! It is I , yourEl Presidente , reporting to you live from my amber - plot jacuzzi where I am relaxing after a long day of nationalize toothbrush manufactory and evading CIA assassination attempts . Today , I wreak you news that makes even my socialist heart skip a measure at the consummate , unfiltered capitalist economy on presentation !
AEW mavin and TBS ChampionMercedes Moné , known to many of you as " The CEO , " has launched what might be the most brilliant money - making schema since I convincedFidel Castroto invest in my underground bunker timeshare undertaking . For the crushed , grim price of $ 99.99 per calendar month ( that ’s 884,536,773.37 Venezuelan bolívares , comrades ! ) , you’re able to now text with Mercedes Moné herself … or perhaps a tired intern sham to be her while the existent Moné counts her money on a yacht somewhere !
This revolutionary inspection and repair , available atmercedesmone.com/texting-service/ , promises an " exclusive , " " personal , " " one - on - one , " and " private " texting experience with The CEO . As she articulate on her website : " My super fans have always been my super friend . Now , like champion , they can text me directly and privately . I ’m so excited to last be capable to connect this way . contract up and text me now ! "
Ah , friendship ! When I was a untried revolutionist , friendship meant sharing the last can of bean during our jungle campaigns . Now , in capitalist America , friendly relationship costs $ 99.99 per month ! Such institution !
The website also warns that " Spots are extremely circumscribed , so if you need to chat with me directly , do n’t wait ! Let ’s make this happen ! " This remind me of when my good friendKim Jong - untold everyone his haircut was limited edition , and abruptly everyone in North Korea wanted it ! Supply and demand , comrades !
This bright strategy brings back retention of wrestle ’s golden age of phone - free-base taxation generation . In fact , this may be the most outrageous phone - based display of capitalism since the legendaryMean Gene Okerlund’s1 - 900number from the nineties , where fans could call in for wrestle gossip . Although , comrade , I must say Mean Gene ’s divine service had a sure … how you say … aphrodisiac quality that Mercedes ' texting service appears to miss . Not that I would know personally , of course ! The CIA supervise all my 1 - 900 phone call , so I never had the pleasance .
What makes this even more delicious is the bright equivocalness of it all . Who exactly will be texting you back ? Is it really Mercedes take time between championship defenses and CEO duties to respond to your message about how much you loved her match againstWillow Nightingale ? Or is it perhaps a squad of amateur interns working in shifts , responding with biscuit - cutter messages and trying their good to forget the heinous things you looney are texting while Mercedes is fussy living the life we all wish well we had ?
This prompt me of the timeMuammar Gaddafiand I set up a premium pen pal service in the 80 . For just 50 dinars , people could change alphabetic character with " The Colonel " himself ! Of course , it was really just me in a unripe military cap responding to all the mail while Gaddafi was busy with his all - distaff bodyguard squad . We made enough money to purchase three machine - gun - outfitted Toyota tone arm hand truck and a little haven !
The brilliance of this service is in its marketing . By shout her fans " super friends , " Mercedes has tapped into that wrestling sports fan desire for connection with their hero . And what better style to experience connected than to pay $ 1,200 a year to send text messages that may or may not achieve the intended recipient role ?
I must say , fellow , that while I generally advocate for the redistribution of wealth , I can not help but admire The CEO ’s entrepreneurial flavour . This is capitalist economy at its finest – sell the illusion of personal connection at exchange premium Leontyne Price ! If Mercedes ever wants to diversify her portfolio , I have some excellent investment chance in my area ’s newly nationalise Brassica rapa farms .
In conclusion , comrades , if you have $ 99.99 burn a hole in your pocket each calendar month and dream of perhaps maybe texting with Mercedes Moné , this service is for you ! As for me , I ’ll stick to texting with my dear friendVladimir , who only charge me a lowly favor involving international piddle and several unmarked crateful .
Until next time , this has been your El Presidente , cue you that in socialism , the text messages would be free , but the response time would be measured in tenner !
¡ Viva la revolución ! ¡ Viva la lucha libre !
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